I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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