Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
