but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
