I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
