You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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