no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
