I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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