omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Two words: blizzard sex
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
