AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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