Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
