matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
