Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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