Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ate ashes out of my bong
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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