Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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