fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
