And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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