This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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