The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
