my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
