the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
