Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
