i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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