the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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