He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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