im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
