I cannot find my penis.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
