apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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