I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
