Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think i have two assholes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
