I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
