I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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