John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
