Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
