Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
