last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
