bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
