i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
