I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
