I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize