Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
