Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
