How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
