we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
