Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god