No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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