you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize