She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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