How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She's JV to your varsity
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
