I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
