He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
