You're so nebulous sometimes
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
