Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Every concussion has its silver lining
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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