we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
