wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
