I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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