he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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