can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
