i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
