My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we should paint friendship bongs
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