There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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