Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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