I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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