as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
