You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
