I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize