This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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