Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
