Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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