i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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