M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
