So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
