I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
