i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize