Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
