Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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